Bitter Pill

I wonder when my day will come where I wont have to look for love anymore...I feel like it might be far away but I hope it's not.
Why is it that it is only after the fact we realize things that we totally could have been logical about in the past;; but now can do nothing about? and why are these things not even such a big deal?
I guess life wouldn't be the same if we could refrain from doing things like that...with difficulties, suffering...there would be no compassion I guess without suffering..
I'm really confused with where to go with this entry right now because I swear my feelings are all over the place as I'm thinking about a million different things. About how my chai tea dairy drink is slowly going bad because it hasnt been refrigerated in a while; about how I love all of the random artists in the Juxtapose magazine; about why someone hasnt called me yet tonight;; about why it has to be so hard to make a fucking decision??;; about all of these different things....the list goes on, but I cannot.
And one more stronger thought (because I did work tonight)...Not sure if I've written about this before in a previous blog entry--there's a big possibility that I have but whatever--I can't stand how you actually do need money and money is important in life. I sometimes wish it wasn't.
And I don't even live on my own and I feel like it's so hard to save...ugh.
Gas being at almost 4 and a half dollars doesnt help though either.
I am in such a bizarre mood.
Help.