consider this the dump of my thoughts

I know you will all think this is all meaningless or, actually, I dont know how you will take it. It's 4:26AM and I refuse to go to bed...there's too much on my mind.
Love, I think, is the best thing one could ever ask for in life (besides having a job one loves). But the love that I talk about, being the "best thing," is love that you share with another individual. Your soul mate. I have all of these thoughts running through my head right now, trying hard to organize them all so that somehow, this all makes sense, but, there are no guarantees.
I dont even know who I am trying to reach out to...but, all this that I say, is true of me.
I thought about it long and hard tonight.
I may be very outgoing and confident with myself but one thing that I am insecure about is how people might judge me by the way I live. A small one bedroom apartment with my dad and sister is what I have and I am satisfied with it; judge me if you must, but this has nothing to do with my personality. My small family of what I have left after fights, a divorce, an affair, and splits, my life is extremely put together I think, and I continue to not have any worries for my future... my amazing friends and only sister help me stay so positive. "You can do what ever you want to Meg," they say.
Which is why I am trying so hard to go into design, hoping to get into SUNY FIT, the fashion institute in the city.
In a guy right now, I want a guy to just like the little things in life just like I do. Life's too short to pass by getting to know somebody...dating these days is tricky.
I dont really know what else to say other than I long for someone who just wants my company where we dont even have to do anything but talk. Sexual desires and thrills, all very pleasurable yes, but, why would you ever forget about the little things, that actually matter more than anything else?
I've realized how complicated yet simple I am as a person in the past few months (me breaking up with my first boyfriend ever this past winter).
Closer to my friends I came which has been many of the best times I will have in my life and I've discovered myself on my own, without having some relationship distract me all at the same time. I am now more prepared for what it takes to have a relationship and be in one.

I'm probably being too open with all this right now but, you see, this is me. Not anybody else.
Life; I want to live it to its fullest.
I think this is all for tonight...

Reminder: get pretty dry flowers at michaels for my two vases on my dresser.